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BITCHFILES- Act One, Scene One
The Female Words- Taking back BITCH
Disclaimer:
Hey, by the waaay... I'm aware that none of what I am saying here is exactly "original". Yes, other people have noticed and "bitched", about this kind thing before. I was telling someone these little thoughts of mine (prompted, I might add, by being ASKED for them, lest you think I corner people at random and start spitting out feminist-speak, causing eyes to glaze and legs to cross defensively.) ...and when I'd said a little bit, and paused for feedback, rebuttal, questions, etc... he said, "Well, women have said this before, it's not like it's NEW."
Clever. Clever man, for noticing that. Put me right in my place, and chastened, I went home an wept into a delicate lace hankie before slip[ping into a silk teddy and full makeup, preparation for my husband and his nightly needs, putting away my silly little embarrassingly so YESTERDAY thoughts.
Yes, women have said this before. Does that make it less true? I ach that I am not the first, and for god's sake hopefully not the LAST, woman who thinks, and speaks, about being a bitch.
Demonizing the female words of the English language. Oh how I could go on and ON and ONNNNN about it. How words that have female connotations have become derogatory, curses, and nasty slang. In MOST cases, the opposite is true of “male words”.
Consider, for one moment, the following list of female and male words. Which ones are “bad”? Which ones are “good”? Which ones would you like to be called? Circle your best answer and turn in by Friday.
KING- a rich, lordly dude, or an actual monarch. “King of the Castle” means the boss of the household, the ruler of the family. QUEEN- now if someone is a queen in the domestic sense, it’s usually a jokey title- like Queen of the Kitchen, or Queen of Shoe Shopping. In recent years, I have seen a few “queen” things that are actually indicating ruling over something other than cooking and shopping. Queen of the World. What I expect, however, is that eventually, the positive edge these words have will be lost, and Queen will be a word used to describe a spoiled, demanding woman who has little concern for others. It’s already starting to lean that way. And although this CAN still be used as a word meaning female royalty, it’s commonly used today to refer to a gay man. And it’s not necessarily kind usage.
FATHER- besides the obvious usage, this word has also become a common, non-formal way to refer to God. Yes, as in God, our “Father”. If you’ve ever listened to Big Praying People pray, they throw in a LOT of “Father”s. Never EVER do you hear them saying, “Mommy, help us”. I sincerely doubt even the most fervent Christian believes God has a big old penis. But he’s a Father, not Mother. I could go into this, and the way the Holy, unalterable Bible has been butchered, flayed, dissected, and ALTERED since its beginnings, but that’s another bitchfile. In the meantime, let’s just stick with this. Father is a word for the Divine. MOTHER- This is of course, the beginning of Motherfucker, which isn’t actually insulting the person you’re calling it, but that person’s MOTHER. How did that happen, and who thought it’d be a brilliant idea? Well, obviously, the person who realized that insulting someone’s mother is more painful than saying something bad about them. It’s been shortened, and can still be used as an incredibly insulting insult. Don’t believe me? Imagine someone glaring at you and saying, “You MOTHER!” It’s insulting, oh yes it is. I don’t’ think I even need to point out the similarities between this and “son of a bitch”. Again with the insults to the mother. In African American cultures, simply saying the words “Your mama” can start fists flying. How, I ask, has that become an INSULT? “Your Mama”?????
BOY- it’s nothing to be called a boy, simply a word. Sometimes it’s a cutesy term. Or an affectionate one “He’s my BOY”. But call someone a GIRL, or tell them they are acting like a girl, and it’s an insult. When someone is strong, or does something difficult, they are being a “MAN” or they have “MANNED UP”. But someone who is being a WOMAN is probably crying, whining, complaining, or something else unflattering. You never tell someone to “woman up” as encouragement. At the most, it could be a funny insult.
OK, if you call someone a DICK, it IS an insult. However, I still maintain that the insult attached is mild…it’s kind of a mild word. If you truly want to insult someone, you call them a PUSSY. I have seen huge fights break out over this word. Although the pussy is most definitely not weak, or easily hurt, that is the meaning given it today. Considering childbirth, “pussy” should actually mean resilient and tough as hell. Anyone who’s ever seen a guy get hurt “down there” would have to agree that better words for weak, wimpy, and easily hurt should be “ball” or “dick tip”, or “package”. No one has ever seen a woman incapacitated by a kick to her groin. And yet the word “pussy” continues to be a word meaning weak and wimpy. And then that brings me to CUNT- a word with no pleasant angle at all. If you say “Dude, you’re acting like a cock,” you could mean he’s acting like he’s great, since the word is the basis for “cocky” (Kid Rock: They say I’m cocky, and I say what? It aint braggin’, motherfucker, if you back it up” …note the usage of “cock” as a positive thing, and “mother” as a negative. No I don’t think Kid Rock hates mothers…but I also don’t think people consider the words they use casually.) But there is no nice way to tell someone ,”You’re acting like a cunt, by the way.” It’s an insult, plain and simple. And why is it that terms for female anatomy are gross-sounding? “Prick” doesn’t sound as bad, nor is it nearly as insulting, as being called a “twat”.
A STUD is someone who gets a lot of sex, a guy that attracts women. What is its opposite word? I think everyone except the terminally arguing would agree that it’s SLUT, a word that can’t be cast in a positive light very easily. Even for those arguers, we can consider the opposite word to be “mare”…. Tell me if that’s ever positive, in any way? About as much so as calling someone COW versus BULL, huh?
Even when we are talking about sexual professionals… WHORE sounds nasty and GIGALO has an admirable ring to it.
I think I’ve made my point. In our language, female words, no matter how innocent they originally were, have been/are turned into terms of insult, words to degrade, and negative slurs. This brings my to my final words. DOG and BITCH. Yes,”dog” can be used as a derogatory word. However, in today’s world, it’s usually used with a slight approval in it as well…”Aw you DOG! You cheated on your girl with her best friend?! DAWG!” It can also be used to refer to someone as your friend- again, like “boy”, someone might be your “dawg”. But how about the female word for dog? Bitch. BITCH. This is the word I am taking back. Female dog. Complaining woman. I don’t care what you think it means. It is the only female word that has a slightly less than negative leaning… it’s not uncommon today for women to proudly declare themselves “bitch”.
It’s for all the wrong reasons. They aren’t actually using the word in a positive way. They are admitting that they are cruel, complaining, demanding women, and they are…as messed up as our culture is… PROUD of being that.
That’s not my goal. I don’t want to be a bitch in the common cultural sense. I don’t think steamrolling over other people and their feelings in search of my own way is an admirable thing. I think women like that set back the rest of us every time they open their stupid mouths and declare themselves proud of being that way.
Have you ever watched “Bridezillas”? Not only is it amazing that the women would act that way, more importantly (to me) is that they are PROUD AS HELL for behaving that way.
Back to my subject. The first time I heard “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks, I loved it. I still love it, years and a thousand plays later. I, and a small group of like-minded female friends, have claimed it as our theme song and battle anthem. It describes us perfectly, in all our crazy, changeable glory. I sometimes pity the men who love us…we just keep not FITTING into the boxes established for women in our society. We’re not gushy and romantic. Unless we feel like it that day. We’re fairly straightforward. We don’t like game-playing. We value strength, independence, and intelligence in ourselves more than anything else. We don't’ feel we need a man to be complete, but we aren’t man haters, either… in fact, we love our men, and take good care of them even while acknowledging that we don’t “have” to take care of anyone, if we choose not to, because we belong to…guess who? You goti t- ourselves. We don’t count our value in the size of our breasts or how many men want us. Yet on the other hand, we’re hot. We don’t dress in men’s clothes or have men’s haircuts and eschew makeup and hairspray to prove that we are “serious”. I’ve been called a Barbie and dumb blonde more times than I can count, by people I could beat in an IQ test without even trying. We don’t fit into people’s expectations, and as people get to know us, they keep getting surprised. That’s us, the Bitches. And if you are one, too, I welcome you to the Sisterhood and invite you to come back anytime.
I hate the world today
Your so good to me, I know
But I can’t change
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe I’m an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I’m a bitch
I’m a lover
I’m a child
I’m a mother
I’m a sinner
I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell
I’m you dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean you’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I’m going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won’t mean a thing
I’m a bitch
I’m a lover
I’m a child
I’m a mother
I’m a sinner
I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell
I’m you dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
Just when you think you got me figured out
The seasons already changing
I think it’s cool you do whatcha do
And don’t try to save me
I’m a bitch
I’m a lover
I’m a child
I’m a mother
I’m a sinner
I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell
I’m you dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way
I’m a bitch
I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
When your hurt
When you suffer
I’m your angel undercover
I’ve been numb
I’m revived
Cant say I’m not alive
You know I wouldn’t want it any other way
And that’s what the bitchfiles are. They are my thoughts, to you, bitch to bitches. We know who we are. We wish women wouldn’t be held back, and kept down by their endless addiction for the attention of men. We don’t judge. We try to be good people, getting better every day. We seek self-knowledge, and enlightenment. We believe in serving others through choice, not through necessity. We don’t mind going last, because we are confident in our centers of WHO WE ARE. We know that life, and everything in it, can be counted on only to change, and we hope to ride the wave and change with it. We know we aren’t perfect, that we have flaws and things to fix, but here is the important thing- we are not ASHAMED. We are not ashamed of our sexuality, of who we are as females. We’re more than just pretty faces, or clever words, or insightful minds. We’re a little bit of everything, all rolled into one.
Sincerely,
The KAATBITCH
B eautiful
I ntelligent
T houghtful
C alculating
H ilarious
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Kitty Litter 
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